We All Have Baggage

Recently, there was a something of a dust-up in Christian circles on the social media platform known as X. Pastor Tom Buck of First Baptist Church of Lindale, TX was involved in a debate regarding Christian men who appeared to be arguing that no woman with a promiscuous past should be considered marriage material despite being a repentant Christian in the present. Pastor Buck articulated his position well when he wrote,

If someone argues that a former promiscuous woman is “damaged goods” and questions whether a Christian young man should marry her, remember Rahab.

She was a Canaanite prostitute but became a mother in the lineage of Jesus. God redeemed her, cleansed her, and Salmon married her.

Despite Pastor Buck’s clearly biblical and gospel-oriented post, many continued to argue against his position, sometimes leaving questionable and denigrating remarks. However, this does raise the question: how should young Christian men, and women, view potential spouses who have significantly sinful pasts? When considering this question, there are numerous perspectives to take into account, three of which will be considered here: personal preferences, wisdom, and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit.

The simplest of these is personal preferences. All people have preferences they are looking for in a potential relationship partner. This can include appearance, ideological and cultural comparability, emotional connection, education, work ethic, and more. These are the things that most people would find personally attractive and would draw their attention to someone in particular. They are also the things that people might be most willing to compromise on. For instance, a man might have a personal attraction to redheads. But if he met a woman who was brunette, but attractive in her personality, attentiveness, and other characteristics, hair color would not be a showstopper. It is perfectly fine for people to have preferences for certain types of people. There is no biblical mandate for Christians to pursue a spouse with whom they have no attraction or connection.

The second consideration, wisdom, is extremely important for the Christian when considering whom one would want to pursue in marriage. Proverbs 4:7 tells us,

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom,

and whatever you get, get insight.

The pursuit of wisdom is not optional for the Christian, for wisdom is connected to fearing and loving the Lord (see Prov. 9:10). Therefore, when Christians, both men and women, are considering whom they should seek out in marriage, they must make wise and biblically informed decisions.

There is no denying that our culture is awash in sexual and moral degradation. One cannot turn on the TV, skim through streaming services, or even peruse the internet without being exposed to some of the most graphic forms of sexual immorality. It is not only considered acceptable that people treat sexual intimacy as a form of entertainment, but young people today are treated as outcasts if they do not engage in multiple forms of immoral behavior with multiple partners. Certainly, biblical wisdom demands that Christians not only engage in sexual purity prior to marriage, but also avoid those who promote and engage in sexually immoral behavior. In fact, King Solomon in Proverbs 7 gives repeated counsel to his son to avoid the wiles of the adulteress. Christians would be wise to consider that counsel.

Every Christian who has turned from a prior lifestyle of sexual immorality can testify to the baggage that continues to haunt them, even as they now pursue a life of holiness and purity. Men can sometimes struggle to have truly intimate relationships because of the hollowness of their previously lascivious lifestyle. Additionally, a steady diet of porn consumption not only alters the concept of sex itself, but the images can remain embedded in their memories for years. Women who pursue promiscuity can find themselves deadened to the emotional connection that intimacy should bring because they have compromised their bodies with a seemingly endless stream of meaningless relationships. Sexual immorality for both men and women has lasting effects that will need to be addressed in any post-conversion relationship.

Therefore, Christians must exercise biblical wisdom, deciding if engaging in such a relationship is possible for themselves and how they will have to work with their spouse to address these matters. If a Christian is not committed to the reality that these issues can have a dramatic impact on one’s relationship, then they must decide that up front and be straightforward with a potential suitor. Furthermore, those with salacious pasts must be willing to be honest about their history with others, knowing that it can impact the potential for any relationship. Not only is honesty a biblical requirement, but it also demonstrates godly wisdom because it does not deny the reality of one’s sinful past and the need to work on the potential ramifications it has in one’s life. Biblical wisdom cannot be compromised as preferences may be. This is a requirement of any healthy relationship.

Lastly, however, and perhaps the most important is the transforming power of the gospel. While it is true that an immoral past can have present problems, it is not the defining characteristic of repentant Christians. The apostle Paul writes,

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Cor. 5:17)

When a sinner, including the sexually immoral, is confronted with the reality of his or her wickedness and comes to repentance and faith in Christ, God has promised they will be supernaturally transformed. The shackles of sin and death are loosed and the sinner is set free. He or she is now indwelt by the Holy Spirit and given a new heart with new desires. They are clothed in the righteousness of Christ and quite literally become an entirely new person.

This is the very matter that Pastor Buck rightly addressed in his post on X. The prostitute Rahab, when confronted with the coming judgment of God on Jericho, completely placed her trust in the saving work of God. Because of her faith, she was made a part of God’s people and became part of the line of the coming Messiah. While Christians can have preferences, and while they should show wisdom in pursuing marriage, what they cannot do is declare that someone is defined by their past. To refer to a person, man or woman, as “damaged goods,” as if they will always be the promiscuous person of their past life, is to deny that God works a miracle in the transformation of the heart, mind, and soul of every living being he redeems. It is to reject that justification and sanctification in the life of a believer can radically alter a person in their thoughts, words, and deeds. It is a denial of the power of the gospel itself.

Every person in the church has baggage they bring into their new life in Christ. Liars will feel the temptation to dishonesty. Thieves will feel the pull to take things they have not earned or paid for. Those with issues of unjust anger will struggle to respond to difficult people and situations with righteous tongues and emotions. And the sexually immoral will fight feelings of lust. No Christian lives a life free from temptation and sin. Therefore, every man and woman who is looking for a potential spouse will be confronted with other men and women who were once dead in trespasses and sin, and, though redeemed and transformed, are in the ongoing process of repentance and holy living.

This issue is not unique to sexual immorality, it is common to all sins and sinners. Christians who treat past sexual sin as if it were the only uniquely disqualifying sin are both short-sighted and biblically ignorant. They refuse the biblical reality that transformation is real in Christ, potentially denying themselves genuinely loving relationships and unfairly isolating those they deem “unclean.” Furthermore, they neglect the reality of their own process of sanctification in which they too have besetting sins which can, and likely will, bring difficulties into their own marriages. Christians should rejoice when God brings a sexually immoral sinner from death to new life. They should encourage and build up such people in the church, and they should never blanketly bar another person from entering into relationships with them.

Sexual immorality is a wicked and vile sin, one that is all too common in society, and sadly, even within the professing church. What we need now more than ever are Christians who are biblically wise, biblically engaged, and willing to call such sinners to repentance in Christ and seek to help them grow and find loving relationships inside the church. That is how the gospel works, and it is truly glorious to behold.